'It's started to feel very one-sided': Parents refuse to bring gifts for nephews after their parents have never returned the favor, face the ire of the rest of their family

Author image for JR Atkinson
JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Jun 28, 2025 10:00 AM EDT

Gift-giving can unfortunately inflict some drama. If you didn't get the right gift or give it to the right person or heaven forbid you re-gifted something, you might never hear the end of it. Some people's love language is gift-giving. The rest of us may not totally understand it, but it's true. Some of us are really attached to the practice and get our feelings hurt when it's not reciprocated. Gifts are an easy way to show each other that we care. And if we're already feeling on the outs with someone, their lack of gift might upset us especially. 

This is even more true when it comes to family. Family tensions are famous for running high even when gifts aren't involved. You get a group of people together who all have different personalities but are bound together by obligation, and you're bound to run into some trouble every now and again.

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    Cheezburger Image 10522138880
    via Shannia Christanty

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • That's what happened in this family where a war over gifts played out through two sets of children. When one of their needs wasn't being met, the other set of parents decided to course correct and stop being the bigger person. Read on for the story to see what happened. 

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    AITA for not bringing gifts to my nephews' birthdays because they never give my kids anything?

    I (34F) have two kids. Over the past few years, my nephews have had several birthday parties. We've always been invited, and I used to bring gifts every time. But I started noticing that when it's my kids' birthdays, their parents never bring anything, or even acknowledge it. My kids don't even get a "happy birthday" from them.
    via u/renisac4t
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    It's started to feel very one-sided. Their parents (my brother and sister- in-law) are often cold and dismissive toward me and my kids. So this year, I decided I wasn't going to keep doing something for people who clearly don't return the effort. I still - went to the party — but didn't bring any gifts.
    via u/renisac4t
  • 04
    After the party, I got a bunch of texts saying I was being petty and "you don't punish kids for adult problems." Now I'm starting to wonder if I was in the wrong, and maybe I should've separated the kids from how I feel about their parents. AITA for not bringing any gifts?
    via u/renisac4t
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    Edit: For those asking - yes, we've always had birthday parties for my kids, and my brother, sister-in-law, and their children were invited every time. They attended a few over the years but never brought gifts or really acknowledged the occasion.
    via u/renisac4t
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    Also, for clarification: it wasn't even my brother or SIL who texted me after the party - it was my parents. So clearly, someone complained to them behind the scenes. Kind of ironic that no one said a word when my kids were the ones being overlooked for years, but the moment I stop bringing gifts, that's when it's a problem.
    via u/renisac4t
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    Box
    via Annie Spratt

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    Commenters weighed in on the situation.

    Ok_Stable7501 - 19h ago Just tell them, I thought we weren't doing presents anymore. NTA
    via u/Ok_Stable7501
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    Eastern_Condition863 · 19h ago • "you don't punish kids for adult problems." Ask him what's the dang problem then? Cause for several years now, you have no clue! I would just tell him you were following his lead.
    via u/Eastern_Condition863
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    Wild_Violinist_9674 19h ago • "Oh, I never intended to punish your children! I was just following your lead and assumed we're all just not giving gifts. I am curious now though, what are you punishing MY children for by not giving gifts?" It's fine when they do it but wrong when you do? Eff that. NTA.
    via u/Wild_Violinist_9674
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    StarsForget 19h ago NTA. Send them a text saying "what adult problems?" and if they keep pushing just say "I realized your family doesn't do presents for kids so I decided to respect your traditions." (Quick check though-- does this family go all-out for holiday gifts for your kids? Expensive things that might be meant as a joint yearly present?)
    via u/StarsForget
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    Novel_Fox • 19h ago NTA. Sorry to anyone that upsets but I've been in your shoes op. We used to do gifts and stuff for the nieces and nephews and their parents at Christmas and whatnot. Not a single one was reciprocated or returned so we just silently
    via u/Novel_Fox
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    stopped giving them gifts. Noone said anything about it in our case because there is no real way to say a anything about it truthfully without seeming like an entitled begger. What goes around comes around imo. The kids didn't get punished, they just didn't get rewarded with gifts on their birthday. It's not like they got nothing.
    via u/Novel_Fox
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    Newbosterone •19h ago NTA. You're not punishing kids, you are just playing by the rules your brother and SIL set.
    via u/Newbosterone
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    Objective-Bite8379 · 19h ago You could say "I agree that it's terrible you've never brought a present for my child." Add that you think their hypocrisy is hilarious and by their own definition they should be ashamed of themselves. Edit to add: NTA
    via u/Objective-Bite8379
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    LLD615 19h ago • I would have replied and asked them to explain the adult problems
    via u/LLD615
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    Background-Cow8401 19h ago NTA funny how these people texting you never reprimanded your brother and SIL for not bringing gifts for your kids. I wouldnt even bring it up to your brother, they know what they are doing. I would have stopped buying gifts also.
    via u/Background-Cow8401
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    solarama 19h ago . NTA - a gift is an option not mandatory Just tell them "I thought we weren't doing gifts & instead making the time together in celebration the gift."
    via u/solarama
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    Excellent-Word 8229 19h ago NTA. I like how youre being discrete by not talking about it. Theyre the ones picking up on that you didnt bring a gift. To me it sounds like they intentionally knew that what you did over the years and chose to not reciprocate. Id tell them well i saw you werent doing gifts anymore so i figured we werent doing them at all anymore.
    via u/Excellent-Word8229
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    KatarinaRen • 19h ago Just ask what problem they're talking about as you only thought that it's customary between you to not give gifts and you finally followed their way.
    via u/KatarinaRen
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    Asprinkleofglitter7 • 19h ago NTA, if they think it's such a punishment for kids, why are they not giving gifts? How can it be so offensive for you to not give gifts but fine for them?
    via u/Asprinkleofglitter7
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    CestLaquoidarling • 19h ago . NTA. Are THEY punishing your kids by not bringing gifts? Make them say it out loud.
    via u/CestLaquoidarling
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    • 18k_... 19h ago Edited 19h ago • "Exactly you don't punish kids for adult problems. So why are you punishing my kids for the last few years??" I had an issue with my brother's wife, the only text she ever sent me. Telling me no more gifts for adults. I responded with, since we don't see each other often let's not do
    via u/18k_gold
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    anymore gifts period, adults or kids. Maybe she just wanted to do kids but I noticed they would only buy my 1 kid a gift and not my older one. So I had to buy her 4 kids a gift while only 1 of mine was getting one. Seemed unfair to me by punishing my older child. So no gifts for anyone seemed the fairest solution to me. I know she wasn't happy about it. NTA
    via u/18k_gold
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    Realistic_List7286 · 19h ago NTA. It's common decency to bring the children gifts. Why is it OK for you to bring their children gifts, and your brother doesn't give anything to your children on their birthdays? I would stop too. It's about mutual respect. I don't think
    via u/Realistic_List7286
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    there's anything to discuss. because they realize what they're doing. They're adults. That doesn't mean they're blind or stupid. They're just selfish and feel like they're entitled to your gifts while they ignore your children. No.
    via u/Realistic_List7286
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    dmbeeez 19h ago . NTA. "I thought we weren't exchanging gifts"
    via u/dmbeeez
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    . Childless_Catlady42 · 19h ago Tell them that they shouldn't punish your children for adult problems. Your kids see what is going on, they remember this sort of thing. Knowing that mom has their back is a big deal, no matter what age.
    via u/Childless_Catlady42
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    femalehumanbiped · 19h ago . The mistake you made was going. If you go, you bring a gift. They are children. OTOH, your family s ks if they don't acknowledge your kids' bdays. Don't visit them anymore.
    via u/femalehumanbiped
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    WavesnMountains 19h ago NTA ask them what the adult problem is that they have with you...tell them to use their words, like a adult
    via u/WavesnMountains

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nephews aita gifts AITAH brother sibling rivalry sibling memes siblings money problems reddit story family feud aunt uncle family sibling sister reddit thread Reddit money
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